+ Surprisingly finished and greatly enjoyed Life of Pi

One of my favorite passages

+ The beginning of something interesting.

+ Garage door fixed; thank God for reasonable prices.

+ No awkwardness, maybe it was Imagination after all.

- Avoided another opportunity to go to Walgreens.

I need to get over it.

"I aspire for a happy night when I can have half a pizza and multiple beers with friends."

[and orgasms]

I love it when I get to read all day.

+/- If DeviantArt wasn't so annoying, I'd probably have an interesting link for my tumblr, or this.

- Heat.

+ Drive. Talk. Eat.

+ Charlie Brown's; Bex; Rae's Cup+Cake Bakeshop... ?
lol, "wife"?

-/+ Lazy beginnings, but nevertheless beginnings.

+/- Short video chat.

- Garage door's broken... another add to $ woes.

++ Disposable Camera Developed!

Tomorrow's another day. Time to get more disciplined.

- Facebook is depressing.

+ Life of Pi is finally going well. Part Two is very exciting.

+ I hope I get hired in someone's photo developing center.

- I feel very sad. This is the saddest I've ever been. I find myself worrying about the next thing that will help cheer me up.

I don't know anything about everything; I know nothing of what's happening in my life.

I just want a job so I can make something happen.

It's so easy to feel so useless and hopeless

+ So I've decided to exercise my writing skills more often (than I feel like doing). See: my first Yelp, a review of D.J. Bibingkahan

-/+ I will miss my old car and sound system. Hello, new car (a.k.a. Whitey) I welcome you.

+ Created: Taquitos. A bit crumbly, but not so bad for the first time.

More soon...

I look for jobs.

I get scared.

What if I'm not good enough?

I fear rejection.

If I get rejected, I learn more about myself.

If I get rejected, it will look bad to other companies.

If I get rejected, I will have to learn to love myself more, and keep trying.

+ I applied to a proofreading job today. I shall hope for the best as usual.

I graduated from college 2 years ago, feeling fresh and confident to conquer the world. Two years later and not having a steady job for 2 years (and counting) is depressing. I'm beginning to doubt all my abilities except for my flute playing, which is exercised at least once a week (because it's important enough to spend money on).

Without money, I don't do much. I don't socialize because costs money... the gas to my car, or whatever entertainment my friends want to do. One could argue that I could walk or bike to a place, and find an activity that doesn't cost anything, but my friends aren't that type and have more income than me. I also hate owing money and hate thinking of them buying things for me.

Without money, I'm mainly concerned about losing my ability to interact with people. (I talk like that ability had ever been used at all...) I've been a shy person throughout all my life, with a low self-esteem, and gets intermittent outbreaks of confidence. For these unexpected outbreaks, how do I fuel my spontaneity for speech when I can't afford it?

I wish I had more friends who were into walking and talking, instead of watching movies, eating, and getting boozed up.

Re: Scents

- Girliness and being needy.

+ Super Harvest moon will appear again in 2029.

It's crazy how certain smells will spark your memory. Or maybe my memory. Certain people possess their own scent, so do specific places, even moments in time.

My father has a distinct redolence that other members of my family have come to recognize. I don't know what the concoction is, but if any of my male friend's had the same smell, they would immediately be banned from the "date-able" . It'd probably be really hard for me to keep hanging out with them actually.

The church has a dusty smell, much like the pages in library books that were last checked out in the 1950's. It smells like old, happy memories on Sunday afternoons, of curly-haired white women offering me Jesus lemonade through pearly white smiles and cat-eye glasses. Well. It might not be that specific.

More soon...

+ Applied to 4 jobs

+/- Called SF IRS. Of course it doesn't look good.

+/- I dipped my toes into the past and saved pieces of it. It's probably better if I let it go.

~I don't usually crave alcohol. Today I did, and continue to do so.

This past year has been very fruitless in the Writing area. SO fruitless. It's like a goddamn Writing FAMINE. I hope the trip to France (which I'm still not looking forward to) will inspire me.

This Summer I finally found myself attempting to write about Sam in my poetic way, but like I said the famine...

It's intimidating trying to find the right words and phrases. Any words that I would end up choosing (after much consideration), even if they did sound perfect, could never describe anything about him. I'm surprised I managed to put fragments together a few days ago.

Unimportant love-life aside, I will promise to try to write more. I promise to write about Sam less.

Revised something I wrote on February 4, 2010

pictures & legs

pictures & legs

lictures & pegs

lictures & pegs

lectures & legs

lickher's & beg

I like Xanga because it keeps the format I create.

I'm all about format.

Timing is Everything

and I possess a snail's pace of precognitions...

"Bullshit from the heart."

- Sam VanGilder on Writing.
Someday this quote will be worth more than just something witty the guy I like said.

Another Day

Regarding Thursday,

- My rainbow cupcakes did not come out as expected.
+ Sam is grateful for my attempt and thought.
+ HIMYM
- Tummy ache that did not belong to me...

I came home early because I didn't want Micah to feel obligated to check whether or not I was awake each episode of HIMYM ended.


Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow... what will the future bring?

Another Day

Regarding Wednesday,

+ Damn you, PBR. You make me noodles.
+ Small gifts.
+ Carcassonne success, Sam & I tied.
+ Deep, true, sleep.
+ Sam has a heartbeat that is (for whatever reason) special to me. I love the way it sounds. It relaxes and makes me happy to the point where I smile. No one's ever done that.

+ Sam's smell lingers on my body and clothes. I love it.

+ Sam-smell is the best smell even if the Sam is unwashed.

Another Day

Regarding Tuesday, another disappointment. I've been getting really butthurt lately. Maybe I should start caring less about things I hold so close.

I can't sleep. I have a lot on my mind.

I wish my idea of fairness would be seen as fair and that Sam would realize that I have missed him while he was on the road trip. It's not fair that I only get to see him at the latest hour when he is nearing sleep and there is barely enough room to talk. I'm grateful for the quiet, intimate actions, but I have craved the louder, stronger day-actions immensely. I hardly get any of it.

He assures me that I'm not being pushed away, but I still have the lingering feeling that something has changed. I still believe that I am not wrong in receiving mixed feelings from him.

+ the Kawaii comic book
+ Retrojunk.com reactions

+ I learned how to play with pogs

+ Angry Beavers
++ Sam's hands on my belly; four minutes of real sleep.

Another Day

Regarding Monday, another disappointment. I've been getting really butthurt lately. Maybe I should start caring less about things I hold so close.

I can't sleep.

Another Day

Regarding Sunday, another disappointment. I've been getting really butthurt lately. Maybe I should start caring less about things I hold so close.

Actually Saturday

+ Aqueduct Walk.
+/- Successful(?) Lomography.
+ Dinner: Scallops & Swordfish. Wine.
+ first Carcassonne.
+ Neighborhood stroll. Night. Snails & Crickets.

the way the light...
the folds of your shirt. White.
Quiet night. Dark blue, dark blue.
Soft curls. Brown, brown, tan.
the way your lips feel when you kiss me...
It's not the least bit awkward, is it?

54 Posts?

That's like 1 post for every week. As if my life were so interesting!

Until I get there...

I always knew New York would be the mystery.
I suppose I'll have to live with that.

My crippling truth

is realizing how important communication is to me.

I have always admired old fashioned courting of sorts. I usually end up imagining couples during the Civil War... imagining being the hardworking daughter waiting for a letter to arrive from my beloved.

I also envision that I have patience for slow communication like this, but it's a disappointment to realize that well, I simply don't. I curse my existence in a world fast-paced communication.

I love the Internet and all, but knowing someone has the ability to reply instantly makes you expect that person to reply instantly. When they don't reply for whatever reason, it takes a toll on the mind and spirit.

Not having the patience makes me feel weak and the sadness I get annoys me. It's not fair.

I can't imagine how bitchier men and women will be with the next technological leap... people will be praying for the old fashioned life.
We can only work as fast as our human bodies will allow us.

Due to a postcard from Chicago...

I discovered CAMILLA d'ERRICO.
She is amazing.