Day 42 - 49

Hmmm...
tomorrow is New Year's Eve... the 50th day of my blog,

and the New Year begins on Day 51. How convenient.

Maybe I will continue to post here.


It's still early in the evening, and now that I have time to update, I'm feeling a bit reluctant to write because it's cold. I just want to curl up in a warm ball with a book and read myself to sleep.


This year's Christmas was interesting. The cousins are growing older and I'm disappointed that all I hear from this is: "This Christmas is wack." -- The hell? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

My small amelioration to this problem was to introduce them to Caveman Drawing game (quite possibly better known as Broken Picture Telephone). No, I didn't merely show them that website and let them loose, no. My friends & I enjoy the paper version of it, and that is what I showed my cousins. We only played 2 rounds and I wish we had played more, but the results were amazing, and I foresee that we'll need to do it during New Year's Eve too.

About that site... I only came to know of its existence through a friend who sent me a link to the top 20 sites that have been most visited during this year. I was scrolling through (not really caring too much about what I saw) when I noticed "picture" & "telephone", which I have always used to describe Caveman Drawing game... It was success and love at first sight. I love the name, but I'm so used to the endearing caveman name.

Two days with Sam was somehow magical as usual. Short, but so sweet. He saved his facial hair for me, and I swooned more easily that I usually do.

We exchanged Christmas gifts on Saturday. I received a fresh red velvet cupcake from Starbucks (which I have always wanted to try -- it was devoured a day later); and a small box of many interesting bottle caps. Now I'm slightly richer!

In my little gift package Sam got my copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, 6 round pins, and some English Breakfast High Grown Black Tea from Teavana. Unfortunately, I was unable to finish my Jigglycube, but it is coming along. I have some sweet plans for its packaging. The only disappointing thing is that he still hasn't received the handmade Christmas card I sent in the mail. I'm a little worried; I try to trust that the United States Postal Service hasn't crushed it to death.

This is all I choose to write about for now.
It's almost the new year and I wish I could write something more cheerful; however looking at the way most things have turned out, I think it will get very turbulent in the next few months. I plan to tell my parents to stop treating me like I'm fifteen. I am twenty-three and have been waiting for freedom since I was eighteen.

Is this how it works in every Asian household?
It's true.
Sometimes I think I would prefer to be dead.

Day 41

I had a many errands to do than usual (on a day alone). And as usual, many thoughts swim through my mind as what to post here. I feel like it never makes sense, or it would be weird for me to bring a certain subject up without proper explanation. And that part seems like it would take the longest! It's probably all my imagination though...

Anyway, about today...

I woke up early, but allowed myself to daydream for another hour. Quite good...

Waited a little after 9 so we could give a bag of truffles to the men who maintain our landscape.

Before backing out of the driveway for the coin wash, I noticed the postman's truck parked across the street and the postman giving glances to the house. So we waited.

He said, "Congratulations," probably because it was addressed from a university. Since I look 14, he probably didn't expect me to say, "I graduated last year." So now, my diploma is in my possession finally. I didn't open it until later in the evening.

We washed sleeping bags and I did some cross-stitching and read a bit of Mary Poppins (by P.L. Travers). I had forgotten all about this book; all I knew was that for some reason I had a negative feeling about it floating around. After reading it today, I realized I didn't like it because frankly, Mary Poppins is a bitch. That's right. I said it. I'm also a little worried to find that scenes that the movie is almost completed in the first 4 chapters. How can I have forgotten more of the book?

I'll be reading some more.

Bought some Christmas cards & my Big Mac for the month. I have random cravings for McDonald's, and it's never often, so I assume it's about once a month.

At lunch.
Took for-fucking-ever to write in my 2 cards, sealing wax, and wrap some earrings for the mail...
only to realize I forgot the cards and packages on a chair when I was at the post office parking lot. Frustration.

Stopped by the store for some heavy whipping cream and donated my pennies to the Salvation Army. Cheer.

Opened up some mail, where I was delighted to find the pin I needed to be replaced. If anyone loves pins and would like to give them as gifts (or to have for yourself), I recommend BarrelOfMonkeys (@Etsy). Reasonable price, Sales happen (like now), and shipping is very speedy considering how far away she is located from me.

I mention that part about replacing because I ordered a 6 pins for sale from her, and one happened to be a different color than I expected. If you order something, remember to take note about colors varying depending on monitors and such. It seems like her colors are always a tad lighter than mine.

Got semi-sucked into Pet Society (another monster Playfish Facebook application) by a friend. I'm a little jealous. I want to copy every single one of her things.
Oh the guilt!

Spent the rest of the evening baking ricotta cheese cookies and frowning about voicemails and e-mails. Looks like I won't be paid until next year. But at least that means I'll have money in the New Year, and that seems like good luck!

Finally, Sam was semi-forced too uncover his surprise for me.
And of course... I'm still surprised! He's coming on the 26th.
I just hope he gets my handmade Christmas card before then.

And unfortunately, my Jigglycube will not be finished. I think.

Must sleep early... there's a radio show to be in.

Day 38; 39

I can't believe I'm going to be the voice of the Virgin Mary tomorrow.
No stress at all.



Seriously.

Another sarcastic statement:
I love how my heart can't help but favor sadness.
It makes me wonder about my outlook on life or how that will effect any decisions in life. Maybe it effects me already, but I don't know about it.

I'm also starting to feel that this blog is a terrible idea. Despite the good memories I would like to talk about, I tend to go into something sad (as my heart favors it so) and I begin to analyze what makes me the most unhappy. How do I cope? Or... how do I keep this blog without fucking it all up by filling it with negative things? If I purposely leave out the bad stuff, then I would be ignoring my problems, and that is no way to get rid of them either. Hm.

Day 37

"*hugs* Totally miss your awesomeness aura."

So do I.

Day 36

How lucky am I? Another shot at attending a filming of Conan O'Brien...

and another target acquired! (: I ought to post photos of my evidence lest you decide to not believe me. My friend carries around his Late Night wristband with him for proof. I don't think I'll be doing that to mine as I like to try to keep my souvenirs in good condition.

There were many thoughts today, touching upon both ends of the spectrum (extremely bad and good -- incase you weren't quite sure).

In my life, there's nothing more depressing and frightening than waking up at 6:30am to the sound of your mother's voice screaming relentlessly to relatives on the phone in regard to money. A majority of the time, I can't understand a thing, but just hearing her scream so loudly with the tone and the very few words I catch...

It's uncomfortable. I can feel my pulse rate go faster.
I feel so childish when I get the feelings of wanting to hide, wishing I weren't able to hear everything.

I was surprised that my mind could race so quickly at such an early hour. Feelings of hate for my relatives, myself for possibly spending money on unnecessary things, why I couldn't imagine harder so I could drown out my mum, why I haven't moved out yet...

I came to the realization that what makes me the most depressed about living at home is that it reminds me of what life was like when I was in high school. Obviously those were not my most glorious days. The constant exposure to this yelling and screaming really brings me down. My mother supporting some of our close relatives pressures me to not spend any money (which is likely a good thing), but it also makes me feel like I'm responsible for my her woes. More constant yelling due to her high blood pressure also makes me feel generally terrible and hated. In addition, life is more limited than it was when I was in college -- I don't feel like myself here, and I don't feel like I can be myself.

Anyway, things flowed better afterward:

1. I woke up.
2. Worked on my Christmas card. Fucked up the stencil, but created it anyway.
3. Showered.
4. Dressed.
5. Dolled myself up in time.
6. Picked up by friends.
7. Turned some coins into cash.
8. Journeyed to Glendale.
9. 2 ounces of English Breakfast Black Tea. Visited the Japanese store and picked up a neat Domo Kun pouch (I might post here) -- very useful. Sinful Cinnamon pretzel.
10. Drove to Universal Studios/Citywalk.
11. Engaged in the usual Conan... routine. Their tickets were purple this time. Filmed an awesome show.
12. Karl Strauss for a sip of some delicious... shoot... "Imperial--" something something beer.
13. A frightening drive home.

I wonder if anyone has fed my koi lately.
I also wonder if I should list "going to Conan O'Brien shows" as a hobby.

Day 31 - 34; 35

Day thirty-five has brought me this discovery:



It makes my heart sad.
And isn't that what my heart always tries to do?

Day 29 ; 30

It's raining... it's lovely.



I love this.

I just wanted to announce that. Things tomorrow, I suppose.

Day 26 - 28

On the 26th day, I woke up at 5am to say farewell to Sam. He and Nick were driving four hundred miles away back home that day, and I had church practice, so our goodbyes had to be early. He was so warm and I couldn't have been happier.

The neon orange and pink sunrise peeked through the giant window in the study. I munched on some Quaker Oats Oatmeal cereal (which is FUCKING amazing, by the way) while surrounded by intriguing bookshelves filled with psychology material and paintbrushes.

It was the warmest & coldest goodbye... I was so happy.

I absolutely loved the 27th day. It was extremely cold, and I missed the warmth both our bodies together had generated. It was raining ridiculously hard and it even snowed a little, but it didn't stick.

I discovered a new web comic via a friend: Nedroid Picture Diary. I really like the weird sense of humor, and Beartato is very cute. I especially like that the drawing style switches around every now and then -- sketch-looking, "blueprint"-like, colored, black & white, etc.

I was rather sick as well.

28th day... apparently it is very cold in San Francisco. Any biker's hands could become cold, dry, and easily cut -- gloves would be quite appropriate as a gift.

It was very cold, so a majority of the day was spent curled up in a ball and thinking.

Eventually I showered, and mailed 9 packages off. That's the most I have ever had since I opened my Etsy, and I hope it gets busier soon. I'm proud since it's nearing Christmas, and it's proof that people actually like my simple things.

I tutored again today. We discussed what non-fiction & fiction stories were. Then differentiated common nouns & proper nouns. We read a non-fiction article about Jamestown and my student looked for common nouns & proper nouns, and made sentences with several of them. What needs to be worked on? Still some spacing between words. And I hope I can find more books on archaeologists...

So just as a reminder for myself, a few weeks back, it was great to hear a relative tell me that I should apply for jobs in San Francisco so I could move up there as well. I ought to do that. I must find a job that is long-term job if I want to move up there...

More later, maybe.

I think I am going to try to cross-stitch a 3d Jigglypuff.

Day 16 - 25

It has been hectic lately and I have not had the urge to write either. Though it's true... I think about this empty space every night before I go to bed. Yes, I have a little speck of guilt. I'm not entirely sure why, but I suppose it is because I feel like this means I don't even have a bit of discipline in me to even write a few sentences every night.

However I don't want to just "write a few sentences every night". Even though it's not like what I post is planned out and crafted, I feel like much work, thought, energy goes into it. /shrug

This definitely isn't rocket science nor am I writing a novel or trying to impress anyone, but................................................ myself. And apparently I want things a certain way. Haha.

I'm not sure where to begin. It's hard to remember the days...

1. I got afraid that my best friend was falling for me.
2. Thanksgiving was so busy, I swore I would never host my own Thanksgiving party. I got me considering how I would celebrate/prepare Thanksgiving when I'm "gown up".
3. I got a confidence boost from a family member in regard to obtaining a job in a place I would [quite possibly] like to live.
4. I got hired for a substitute job, and it wasn't terrible at all. (:
5. I got hired as a tutor for 12 weeks; 2 hours a week; $18.00 an hour. (:
6. Despite the terrible preparations for Thanksgiving, cousin-time playing Mario Kart was the best idea ever.
7. A short tea party.
8. Rearranging my room.
9. Bub: 18; Bob 11

/trails off for now...